Yes Woman

After recently watching the movie "Yes Man" I realized that over the years I have started saying "no" a lot more. (As in "No, I can't go to lunch with you." or "No, I don't have the capacity to take on more work.") My first instinct is always to say "NO!"

I know that it's because of fear; fear of rejection, failure, the unknown. If I don't do anything or finish anything then I don't risk anything and can't fail at anything. The only problem with that is that if I don't do anything or finish anything then I can't succeed at anything either! Right?

"No, I can't go to lunch with you."

My thought process: No, I don't know what we would talk about for an hour. I certainly don't have anything to say that would be of interest to you. You'll just find out how uninteresting and worthless I am. Besides, what will I wear? I have gotten too fat for all my clothes. And what if you asked me to actually commit to going to a party or helping you with a project? No way. I can't risk that.

Reality: True, I risk nothing BUT I pass on an opportunity for friendship and all the joy that brings. So what if you ask me to commit to going to a party or helping you with a project? What else do I have to do? I am smart and fun to be with and certainly worthy of friendship and happiness.

(I am reminded of another movie, Good Will Hunting, when Will is telling his therapist that he doesn't want to ask his girl out on another date because right now in his eyes she is perfect and he doesn't want to find out that she isn't perfect. His therapist says "I think that's a super philosophy, Will; that way you can go through your entire life without ever having to really know anybody.")

"No, I don't have the capacity to take on more work."

My thought process: This job is not my dream job. It's just a way to pay the bills until my real life starts. Why should I extend myself further than I am already extended. What if I spread myself too thin and end up screwing up on something. No, I am just going to stick with the status quo and conserve my time and energy for something that really matters.

Reality: I have plenty of time and bandwidth to take on more work. I am in no danger of spreading myself too thin. Going the extra mile at work creates more job security and better relationships with my boss and co-workers, thereby making my life easier. If I don't aim higher, I will never climb higher. I am smart enough that if I apply myself and persist, I will be successful at whatever I choose to do.

So I am going to be more of a "Yes Woman" from now on. Certainly not to the extent that Jim Carrey's character did in the movie, but before I say no I am going to think about my reasoning. Is it fear based? Am I passing on a potential opportunity to better my life? Opportunities like that are few and far between and I can't afford to pass them up out of fear!!